What is Courtship?

I’m excited about this new blog. This blog is my first question and answer blog! I asked the questions, and the answers come from my sister, who had a successful courtship.

1. What does courtship mean?

Courtship, to me, means that you have two people who are actively pursuing the Lord and have an interest in one another. There is an agreeance that God will remain the center of the relationship, and you two are intentional with being committed to one another.

2. What is the difference between courtship and dating?

Dating and courtship are not the same. With dating, most of the time, physical intimacy happens before commitment. With courtship, you have two individuals who take the time to get to know each other, and the relationship is clearly defined. (see Isaiah 43:18-19)

3. What are the benefits of courtship compared to just dating?

The benefit is truly getting to know a person without letting your flesh get in the way and rule the relationships. Sex is not equal to love. If a man or female can’t wait to have you, then he is probably not the one. I use to believe the saying, “You have to test drive it before you buy it,” and I’m glad I changed that mindset. God gave me exactly what I wanted in my now husband.

4. What to consider before entering a courtship with someone?
Do they share similar values and morals as you? The bible talks about being equally yoked. (see 2nd Corinthians 6:14) For example, if my now-husband would have told me he didn’t like going to church, that would have been an instant no-go and red flag for me. You have to be mindful because some guys can be pretenders. The more you spend time with a person and don’t involve physical intimacy, you can learn A LOT about them.

5. How long were you in a courtship before marriage, and how long do you think others should be in a courtship?

I was in a courtship for 11 months, and then I got engaged. My now-husband and I felt that a courtship leading to marriage did not have to be super long. We did not plan to court for more than a year. After getting to know each other, we knew that we wanted to pursue marriage. Early in our relationship, we knew that we did not want to date like our past relationships. We did not want to have sex until marriage, and we did not want to kiss each other until our wedding day. We accomplished those goals, which was something we did not do in our past relationships. God is faithful (see Philippians 4:19)

6. Does courtship always end in marriage?

No, courtships do not always end in marriage. If you are actively pursuing and seeking the Lord, he will reveal to you if you need to be in a courtship with that person or not. Don’t ignore the signs. The more you get to know a person, the better you learn them. You may be in a courtship with a great guy, but he may not be the great guy for you. God does an amazing job at making things super clear to us if we seek him. (see James 1:5)

7. How did you know your court mate was the one?

God reveals it if you are actively seeking him in prayer. As I’ve grown in Christ, I have learned that you can tell a lot about a person based on the fruit they bear. I knew that my partner was the one because everything he said aligned with his actions. He was intentional about pursuing me and keeping God the center of our relationship.  (see John 15)

8. Cheers to courtship, do you have any last remarks?

I thank God for learning about courtship when I was a senior in college. I use to date around, and it never worked. If you think sex will keep a man, it won’t. If that were the case, more women would be married. Once I was serious about the Lord, I found out a better way to be involved with an individual. Courtship changed my life, and I love the man that God saved for me. (see Proverbs 3:5)